I can't believe it's been almost a year and half since I last made an entry here. I was hoping to keep this blog updated and current (I always say that, don't I?), but life keeps getting in the way. I felt a great deal of guilt when I realized that I was actually still getting page views when there was nothing new to see.
So, let's talk about the topic of the day - change. Change is one of those things in life that we can't avoid, and is sometimes hard to accept. It often happens gradually, sometimes imperceptibly, as we go about our daily life. Sometimes, things change quite suddenly and we are taken by surprise. Change can be good or bad, but that often depends on your attitude and/or perspective.
In the time since my last entry here, my life has changed quite dramatically. It has changed in ways I would never have foreseen and certainly didn't expect. The last time you heard from me, dear reader, I was living with Chris and our four wonderful children in a big house, with a very comfortable lifestyle. From an outside perspective, I'm sure my life looked pretty good. That was a beautiful illusion. It wasn't good at all, and it really needed to change.
Last July, I made the decision to move out of the family home and into an apartment nearby. I hoped the move would be temporary and that, with good counseling and some breathing space between us, Chris and I could work things out. After a few months of marriage counseling, it was clear to me that leaving was the right thing to do and that our marriage was beyond repair. It was at this point that I told Chris that I definitely wanted to get divorced. This decision was difficult and painful, especially since the children were living with him, and I knew that they were counting on my moving back home after a few months. Telling my kids that I wasn't ever going to come home to live with them was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
Fast forward to the current situation. The divorce is not final yet, but life is moving toward an new "normal" for us. The kids live in the family home with Chris, but they get to be with me twice during the week and every other weekend. In December, Dave, my sword sensei and good friend moved into my apartment with me. He was also in the process of getting divorced and it seemed smart to pool our resources, rather than maintain two apartments. Not surprisingly, getting divorced can be rather expensive! We were later even able to move into a larger apartment, which made things more comfortable for the kids.
I was one of the lucky ones. Chris and I were able to work out the details of our separation and child custody without the interference of lawyers. This was of great benefit to everyone, not just financially, but emotionally. Not only did we save an enormous amount of money, but we managed to get through a very painful process in a civil and mature manner and without the kids feeling caught in the middle. Don't get me wrong, this was still very hard on everyone, but I think that we did better than average at getting through it, without doing unnecessary harm to anyone involved. Like I said, I was one of the lucky ones. (Disclaimer: Avoiding lawyers, although theoretically a good idea, is not for everyone. From a legal perspective it could be very risky. This is especially true if there is any reason to believe that your spouse cannot be trusted or the two of you can't have a civil conversation. That said, I would recommend mediation before throwing large sums of money at lawyers. You might be surprised at how little assets there are left to fight about after you're both done paying your lawyers!)
When all is said and done, I think we will all be better off in the long run and I am already happier with my life than I have ever been. The only thing that could be better would be to have more time with the kids. The funny thing is that, now, from an outside perspective, my life would probably seem worse, rather than better. Let's see, I live in a much smaller place, I don't have much money, I don't get to see my kids as much as I'd like to, Dave just got deployed to Afghanistan and I'm currently recovering from surgery I recently had on my shoulder to fix an injury that happened way back in April! Despite all that, I'm still pretty happy. It's amazing how changing one really big thing in your life can make everything else seems pretty small by comparison.
What do YOU need to change to be happy? Think about it.
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